I Need You!

Waking up from my deep slumber, I find You missing. I look around my bed. I try to feel You but I can’t.
What happened last night? Was I drunk? Did I do anything stupid last night?
From the instant that I met You, I had fallen in love with You. I loved You like I’ve never loved anyone before. But I kept pushing You away, I wonder why I’m so weak..
I knew that I loved You, but there was another personality. I had known her before I met You; I knew her since birth.
I had fallen in love with her before I met You. I would spend days in her arms because she knew how to give me pleasure; she could make me feel as if I could have everything in this world.
Then You came my way. I was invited to a concert by one of my friends. I met You there and You swept me off my feet. I had heard stories about Your beauty and splendor; about how lovely Your voice sounded and how calm Your whispers were in times of trouble. I thought it was all a joke until I met You. I still ask myself, “How can one be so beautiful? How can one be so perfect in everything and still stoop so low to dwell and commune with imperfection? How can one be powerful, mighty and strong and yet be so intrinsically loving?”
When she found out about You, she was furious! As I got to know You more, I thought You were kinda boring because You didn’t do the things she did. You promised me alot of things if I could stay within boundaries. She, on the other hand, gave me no boundaries. I could do whatever I wanted anytime I wanted.
I left You because she kept calling me back and I still loved her. You never stopped calling out for me. You never gave up on me. You loved me too..
When I found out that she didn’t love me, that she only wanted to use me like she had used others before me, I hated her..
I was confused. I asked myself if You will ever forgive me. I ran to You on my knees with tears. I begged You to forgive me. But You told me You had already forgiven me.
I later found out that Your love was a perfect one, without conditions or flaws. I began to study Your Word day and night. I found out that You created the world and that You gave Your life for me.
I also found out that she was a product of the devil. Her name was sin.
Sin never stopped haunting me. Anytime I let my guard down, she’s always by me, coaxing me to go against Your will.
Now I can remember what happened last night..
She had her way with me. That’s why I can’t feel You. Why did I let my guard down? I was supposed to be strong! Why didn’t I read my Bible yesterday? Why didn’t I ask for Your direction before going out? Why did I listen to her??!
I’ve driven You away because of my weakness. But Your love is just too much. You’re always there to receive me anytime I come back to You. Your hands are open and Your face is filled with smiles anytime I come back. You’re always there to give me strength.
But each time I fail You, I’m filled with guilt! Just like Apostle Paul.. “O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.” (Rom. 7:24-25).
I need You! I love You!! I adore You!!!