Pain.

Good Night

This short piece is dedicated to the four soldiers that I’ve lost in 2017. They were friends, they were family. I know that soldiers never die. And I know that you’re only sleeping.


Don’t say that you understand how I feel
When you’ve never treaded these paths
That stink of rotten eggs and are filled with broken
Shells that look like my shattered heart

Don’t say that the pain will go
When I’ve been here for years, hoping,
Looking everyday for a glimpse of the sun
That you say shines in your own world

Don’t smile at me with your mouth wide open
Your teeth remind me of who I used to be
Happy, joyful and full of life, all of which
Ceased one day, in the wink of an eye

Don’t assume that you know just how much
Pain lurk deep within my heart
My heart holds nothing but bitterness,
Not an iota of faith lies there

Don’t assume that you know how I feel
You’ve never been here, so don’t act like
You’ve weathered a storm like mine,
Say that you have no idea of how this feels

Don’t act like you know that all will be well
I see the fear in your eyes as you hold my
Hand and tell me that all will be well
I wish you believed your own words

Don’t hide the fact that I’m dying
I feel my organs getting weaker and weaker
I see my skin change from beautiful to ugly
I also see your eyes swelling with each passing day

Don’t blame me for losing faith,
But I’ve stayed here for so long that I don’t
Think the word has any use here again
Oh, how I long for this pain to cease

Don’t act so strong and lie to yourself that
You’ll be fine after I’m gone
You’ll flunk that test, you’ll hate food
You’ll cry till you get weak from crying

I long to believe that the pain can cease,
But I can’t, not when it has persisted for this long,
Not when I’ve stayed here for years,
Not when I feel this life slowly dissipate

But then I wonder, is that all?
Does everything end here?
Is there nothing after now?
What awaits me at the end?

I remember the stories of Heaven,
Where GOD’s beloved go after dying
And also of Hell, where the fire is
A raging inferno that never dies

Dear Lord, take me now, I’m ready
End this pain and draw me to Yourself
Sometimes death is all that can end pain
In dying, You’re setting me free

© Eleazar Maduka, 2017

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